http://www.felinefunny.com Salie’s Tale : Page 2 A typical day in my life: OK here goes: In the early hours of the morning I always used to like to go out and make my mark on our street (did I mention that I own it?). Going out in the early hours until about 9a.m. was my way of keeping that bit of the wild cat in me from when I was abandoned. Besides I did like going out as long as the weather was nice. Whilst out I'd have a wee on every corner of the street so that every other cat knew who was boss around the place. The lady next door had built an enormous cat litter tray for me which was really kind. She used to say it was a gravel drive, or something like that, perhaps that's the posh name for it? Often a fox would come up and drink from my bowl of water outside. I'd just stand there, about a foot away, and watch it just to make sure mum and dad didn't let it into my house. Being outside was also a good time for a hiss. There's nothing like waiting for a neighbouring cat to casually stroll onto my garden. I give it a false sense of security that everything is ok. Then just when it thinks everything is ok I pretend to be all macho and do my very best impression of an attacking cobra! Goodness I am one but I never knew cats could jump that high or run that fast. Since dad and mum first found me my favourite place outside was still under the bushes. Although when the sun was shining I'd lay out in the sunshine. I just love sunbathing - it is my third favourite thing. I also used to like laying on the chipped bark path. Mum and dad put down some funny green things on it. They said this was "cat-repellent". I don't know what that means but I used to love the smell of those little green pellets. My friends didn't though - never mind their loss! At around 9 O'Clock I'd go in for breakfast. Now I've learned a lot about being a neglected cat. You can twist your owners found your little claw. I'd first go in and do that thing your owners love by rubbing myself all round their feet making out that I've not been fed for about 3 weeks. I'd then rub my head around the door, the cupboards, bucket, stairs and anything else I could find just to bump up the cuteness factor. Bang on cue the first course would arrive. Usually cat food. Cat food isn't my favourite but you have to show willing for the first course. But you can do funny things with cat food to try to get the second course. A good first step is just to lick off all the gravy, which is really quite scrummy, but you don't give that away to your owners, you do this slowly as if you are being forced to digest it. Meanwhile those little lumps that simply don't resemble the flesh of any living animal on earth you gradually push to the side of your plate with your nose. You do this gradually so as not to draw attention to yourself. If your owner spots you and says "you're not getting anything else until you've eaten that" then turn to plan 2. Plan 2 involves staring at those revolting little lumps for a few minutes as if they are miraculously going to turn into something edible. This will eventually prompt your owner to say "well go on then eat it!". Gingerly you now take a piece in your mouth, but you don't swallow this disgusting thing. Instead you hold it there for a few seconds and then spit it as far as it will go across the floor. Initially this will get your owner just to yell your name. But do it a few times and they'll get the distinct impression they've just tried to poison you and say "Oh is it horrible sweetheart I'll get you something else instead!". Mission accomplished - course 2 arrives. Course 2 is usually some form of nice meat not cat fodder. But the portion size is never big enough so you have to use another plan to make sure a third course arrives. First you use a distraction tactic. This involves taking a piece of meat far away from the place you were given it and preferably to a place you are not meant to eat. For example if eating on the kitchen lino drag your piece of meat onto the luxury hallway carpet and chew it there. Do it with a few more pieces and you will be sure your owner has your undivided attention. The remainder of the meat you eat whilst your owner cleans the hallway! Now to ensure you get course 3 first try sitting bolt upright giving your owner the most lovely look you possibly can. You know the one, head on one side, sparkling eyes, little girl lost look. That doesn't always work so try sitting in front of those places where the food originates from - fridge, cupboard etc. This may get a response it may not. Rubbing one's nose against the storage place may help by clawing at it, as if you are trying desperately seeking the last drop of water from a desert oasis, because it gives an impression of complete starvation and desperation. At this point your owner may just give in and give you a 3rd course but if not try one last thing. Go to all those places in the kitchen you know you haven't got a hope of fitting into. The gap between the cooker and an end cupboard or any domestic appliance and a cupboard is a good choice. This serves two purposes. First it makes your owner laugh because they think that you think you can seriously get into that gap (humans are so gullible). Secondly it gives the owner a subconscious impression that you are so famished you will go anywhere for a crumb. Mission accomplished - by this time you have breakfast course 3. After breakfast I'd go in to see my Dad. This was always my regular daily cuddle time. At least that is what I'd let him think as I sat on his lap purring away. Purring reassures your owners you see. They find stroking us moggies comforting or "therapeutic"  as they call it. Human's, at this time, normally have breakfast also so it's time to scrounge your next feed! In particular I'm partial to a bit of cheese spread which Mum used to like on toast or the milk out of the bottom of a cereal bowl, especially if crunchy nut cornflakes had been in them. I'd wait until they had nearly finished and then give a pleading "where's mine?" look. Works every day! After getting this treat I always used to jump straight off Dad's lap and go and find somewhere for a sleep. After all no need to sit on him any more for the time being as these soft-touch humans don't eat again until lunchtime. However, very often, I may get "elevenses". There is a strange habit in the females of the human race whereby every time they  go out of the house for more than 5 minutes they come back with a carrier bag. I used to hate carrier bags because of that horrible crunching noise so I used to run away from them. What a wasted part of my life that was when one day I discovered carrier bags normally contain FOOD! Just click here for a demonstration. So I was very careful always to check for elevenses wherever possible. Until lunch time I'd normally sleep in the garden if it was very sunny but if the weather was bad I'd sleep inside. At 1pm exactly I'd always wake up and slowly edge my way to the kitchen. Going to your normal source of food in stages makes your owners laugh (sad cases!) and makes them soften up and more likely to spoil you. If you get cat food for dinner and fancy something else you can always try standing in front of the fridge (the cupboard the milk comes from) and staring up at it as if it's a long lost love. Sometimes this pays off! After lunch I'd normally go for cuddles from Mummy. If she was sitting on the floor reading a newspaper I soon learned that the way to deal with that situation is to sit on it! I don't like it when an inanimate object gets more attention than me! After my cuddle I would usually pretend to be asleep for about an hour until my owners had their dinner. Pretending to be asleep is easy you just close your eyes, breathe heavily, but keep one eye slightly open (I prefer the left). When their dinner appears "Miaaaaoooooow" time to instantly spring to life and sit at their feet until you get something more to eat. Licking mummy's toes used to work for some reason, quite possibly because she just wanted me to stop! After the hard work of eating a large proportion of your parents dinner the only thing to do is rest until teatime. I had several places I loved to rest. My special big cushion, an old chair cushion, in the bottom of dad's computer cupboard, in a cupboard in an upstairs bedroom, on a cat seat on a radiator, just stretched out on the lounge floor, on mum and dad's bed, under my special bushes in the front or back garden and even on mum or dad's lap until they got cramp! 5pm Teatime! Did I mention I have a built in alarm clock? This fabulous feline feature allows me to wake up exactly at the right time for food to be served. Having devoured whatever came in my direction I would then have to go outside again. Not for sunbathing this time though but to dispose of the umpteen  meals I have eaten during the day! Once I'd got rid of about half my body weight and deflated quite a bit I'd eventually go back indoors for a lie down. Not before scrounging some of mum and dad's tea though! I always timed my re-entrance perfectly to coincide with their tea time. I'd sleep for a few hours before waking up for a cuddle, usually with mummy, in the middle of the evening. When I'd had enough fuss I'd go back to sleep for a few hours. Sometime between 11 and 12 I would go out for a wee before going to bed. I always used to sleep next to my dad and mum's bed, on dad's side. I don't like being on my own, especially at night. Mum and Dad don't have a cat flap so if I needed to go out I'd just wake up and shake my head, ringing the bells around my neck. This always woke daddy up. Mummy sleeps so deeply I don't think she'd wake up even if I sat on her face! And that brings us back to the early hours of the morning - back where we started. Getting On With Life Now I was all cleaned up with my new shiny fur coat and a great all day supply of nosh I wanted to make the best of my life and enjoy myself. I like foods that none of my feline friends like. Especially these: Cheese Spread (but only with chives). Spaghetti Toasted crumpets with Marmite (vegemite) Grated Cheese (Mature Cheddar only) Macaroni Cheese Buttered English Muffins Jaffa Cakes Cream Cakes Any sponge cake Chocolate Chip Cookies Ice Cream (but I don't like the coldness) Sour Cream and chive dip Eggs boiled, hard boiled or poached - don't mind which Cheese on toast Fish fingers with the breadcrumbs removed. I don't like "normal fish" otherwise unless it has come from a fish and chip shop and previously been covered in batter! Scampi Cadbury's Chocolate Flake Dream Topping Tinned Ham (The one with all the jelly stuff) Cheese, Cheese and Ham or Cheese and Tomato Quiche Garlic Bread ! Cooked chicken "Billy Bear" Mixed Cooked Meat for children Cooked meats but only from Marks & Spencer (I have expensive tastes) The funny little sausages out of sausages and baked beans. Jacket potatoes Lamb or Pork chops Yorkshire Pudding Dumplings I like licking the cheese flavour off Cheeselets and also the flavour on Cheese and Onion Crisps. Sometimes I'll actually eat the crisp if I'm in the mood. The milk that has been in a bowl of Kellogg's Crunchy Nut Cornflakes but not any other cereal. I made up my mind that after all the bad treatment I'd had in the past I was going to eat well and live life to the full. Mummy and daddy said that because of what I'd been through they'd spoil me to the end! I wasn't complaining I could do all my favourite things, primarily eating, sleeping and sunbathing! I wasn't really a playful cat (I'm not a baby!) I used to ignore any toys bought for me and why use a catnip coated scratching post when a doormat is perfectly adequate? However I did play with one toy and one toy only. Well it wasn't really even a toy - just a shiny key ring on the end of a piece of string. When I'd had enough of playing I'd either trap it under my paw or hold it in my mouth tightly. Sometimes when I couldn't be bothered playing I'd just watch mummy swinging it around......... humans look so funny when they play on their own and you take no notice! See the video at the bottom of the page to see me with my favourite “toy”. As I said, when the weather is nice I'm a sunshine girl. If the sun got too hot I'd find shelter under one of my special bushes. I always had plenty of water to drink around the garden. If mummy went out to the shops I would always walk down the road to meet her when she came back. After all she usually had those wonderful food carrier bags with her. My mummy has plenty of other pet names for me not just Salie my real name. I was "munchkin" because I like Jaffa Cakes, "Poppet", "Mummy's Little Angel", "Pumpkin", "Mummy's little Princess" and "Mummy's Little Girl" .............. I love all my special names although I have serious reservations about "Little Bitch Bag" when I was misbehaving (as if I would). I also used to like playing a game whereby I'd hide from mummy and daddy. They'd go all round the house calling me and looking in the most unlikely of places. Then finally they'd come back and find me in the first place they originally looked and I'd give them my "I'm so innocent" look. I was always playing this game and they never knew where I'd actually been. I'm not an energetic cat my philosophy is "Why do it yourself when you've got your own human who is perfectly capable of doing it for you?". So sometimes I'd insist the food came to me and not the other way round. When I wanted a cuddle I'd sometimes wait to be lifted - jumping is far too overrated these days - besides I could hurt myself. I had a wonderful year in 2003 - I was so very spoiled Into 2004 2004 started off very nicely and I enjoyed the lovely Spring weather and using my sunshine places. In March though Mummy and Daddy noticed I was looking a bit sad and that I was a bit swollen in the stomach (no it wasn't due to my diet). I was also having problems when I had a wee. Suppose you could say I was paw-ly! They took me to a vet and I was told it was probably wind (American cats call this gas) and I was given some liquid paraffin to shift it and some antibiotics for any infection. I was always a good girl at taking my medication, mummy and daddy were always pleased with me for this.I finished the medication after a couple of weeks but the problem did not really clear up and my belly became more swollen. Mummy and daddy saw I looked very sad and took me back to the vets where I saw Graeme again, he is such a nice cat doctor. Graeme was very gentle and felt my belly. He told mummy and daddy he could feel a hernia but he thought he could feel something else too. He took some of my blood to do some tests. I went home with mummy and daddy but they were very sad. They knew I wasn't feeling very well and they were right my tummy did hurt. The blood tests only took a couple of days and Graeme phoned up on a Sunday and told my daddy the results of my tests. Not only did I have that hernia but I also had feline Leukaemia and a cancerous tumour as well. Mummy and Daddy and me all knew this was not good news - we were all very sad. We had to go to see Graeme the next day. Mummy and Daddy were still very sad. There is no cure for feline leukaemia and chemotherapy would only extend my life by a couple of weeks. Mummy and Daddy didn't want to put me through more suffering just for 2 week extra life and I'm pleased I didn't have to do that chemo stuff. When Daddy asked Graeme said I probably had between 6 weeks to 6 months to live and that they should take me home and love me to bits until I began to suffer too much. We went home again but mummy and daddy were so sad. I wanted to tell them that I'm only on life 1 and I've got 8 more after this one but I didn't know how to. Mummy cried a lot, I gave her lots of cuddles but she still cried. Daddy was very sad too and tried to bottle up his feelings. They bought me a huge cage with proper veterinary bedding so that, at night time, they could keep an eye on me at the side of their bed. They didn't sleep much at all. For the next couple of weeks I wasn't too bad. I was very spoiled and we had lots of group hugs both inside and outside the house. My diet changed to all my favourite foods all day long. Graeme had said that the tumour was making me eat more and that I should be fed whenever I wanted. Whilst this was very nice food I would rather have exchanged it for better health and more time with mummy and daddy. Whenever mummy looked sad I went to cuddle her. Finally just after 2 weeks of going to the vet I became more poorly. I was drinking 4 large bowls of water a day and I was not eating. I started passing large amounts of blood in my wee. My lump in my belly was getting larger and even though I am genuinely the laziest cat in the world I didn't want to do anything. Mummy and daddy spoke to each other and said they didn't want me to suffer any longer and I was pleased that they said that. I didn't want any more pain, I knew it was time to go to the second of my nine lives. Daddy phoned the vet (cat doctor) on Monday 19th July but Graeme wasn't working until Tuesday 20th so an appointment was made for that day at 5.30p.m. That meant I had a whole day to be with mummy and daddy and to have the best cuddles in the world. There were lots of tears that day but lots of love too. When Tuesday came and knowing this was my last day for breakfast I made mummy open one of every type of special food I had left and I ate for the first time in 3 days. I was going to leave this first life on a full stomach! After breakfast because I wanted to spend the afternoon with mummy and daddy ,for the first time ever, I asked mummy if I could sleep upstairs, in the quiet, in my big cage for a couple of hours. I had a lovely peaceful sleep and then I went downstairs for the rest of the day. It was a lovely sunny day, my favourite weather, and we had the best cuddles ever. Mummy and Daddy laid on the decking with me and fussed me all afternoon. They were afraid I may disappear from the garden when it was "time to go" but I wanted my pain to end and was just determined to enjoy my last afternoon. After we all had photos taken together at 5pm we left for the vets. When Graeme saw us all at about 5.45pm he saw that mummy was very upset and did say that he could give another dose of antibiotics a try as cats tolerate pain much better than humans and that this might give me another week or two to live. Thankfully mummy and daddy could see that this was simply delaying the inevitable and that this would only be extending their own love for me, not doing me any favours. Graeme agreed and we had one last cuddle. Then I laid down on my very own blanket, like a good girl, to go to sleep at the end of my very special first life which ended at exactly 6pm on Tuesday 20th July 2004. Mummy and Daddy stayed with me afterwards and said lots of lovely things to me before kissing me. Because I had originally been abandoned they promised I would be with them wherever they went and that I would never be alone. So they asked Graeme if I could be individually cremated and then returned to them in a special sealed casket. They asked for it to be engraved "SALIE. Our very special cat. Rest in peace darling." That was such a nice thing to do and it made me realise just how special I was to mummy and daddy. Do you remember in Chapter one I said it was Wednesday 21st July and that I was in a very special place? Well I'm here now and I'm in Cat Heaven thinking what a very special first life I had. I am looking down at my mummy and daddy now and can see that they are very sad. I wish they wouldn't be as we had such happy times. They made my life happy when I had nothing to live for and they were everything I ever wanted. Let me just reassure you, especially mummy who has cried so much, that cat heaven is a beautiful place. There is unlimited food (a bit like your house!), none of the cats fight with each other any more here and we don't have to have baths. But best of all we don't suffer any more pain. Myself and all my new friends here agree that it is so nice not to be suffering any more and that our owners should not feel guilty as you did the right thing for someone you love. I can see that you have a special place in the garden to remember me and a special shelf in the house all about me too. You've even bought a black cat ornament which has it's tongue sticking out just like mine and practically the same eye colour. Mummy please don't be sad as I haven't gone...... I've just moved on to life number 2. No cat could ever ask for more mummy and daddy and I will be with you always. I know you never had even the remotest desire for a cat, or any pet for that matter, before I arrived unannounced in your garden and that makes your love for me all the more special. I love you so much Salie XxXxXx P.S. Mummy.......... I really am " Mummy's little Angel ! " now ! “   Made with Xara Web Designer